On some days, and in relation to some events and circumstances, I find myself experiencing an almost overwhelming sense of interior anxiety. I feel this at the physcial level as much as at the mental level and it can be – not surprisingly – both very distressing and quite draining. This is one of those days.
I should point out that this is not a plea for sympathy or attention – it is simply an observation and a description of what is occurring within me at this moment. Equally, the specific reasons for this are not the point of writing this; rather, writing about it is an attempt to manage it and deal with it to some degree, as best I am able. That’s the hard part.
When anxiety strikes like that it is debilitatiing because it is very hard to focus on anything else other than the reason for the distress produced, often coupled with a sense of powerlessness. Much as we love to think we are in control, the reality is that very often, we simply are not.
It’s a bit like being a very small boat out at sea, tossed ever more furiously by increasingly large waves, always with the fear that the boat will be overwhelmed and capsize before very much longer. That sorts of describes how I feel right at this moment. The reasons for this sensation will pass, I know; I simply need to get through ‘right now’ and come out the other side.
Looking through some images earlier on, I came upon the one pictured above. It shows the Lord snuggling one little lamb close to His Heart. In the full version of the image, there are several other lambs at His feet, some grazing away happily while others look toward Him. But for the moment, I want to be that little one in His arms. There, in His arms, there is peace.
There, the waves will not overwhelm that little boat, and all will be well.